MAGIC WORDS TO SUCCEED IN MEDIATION | Snyder Mediations

I recently read Magic Words: What To Say to Get Your Way by Johan Berger. The book does not specifically target legal disputes. Here are some suggestions based on my interpretation of some of his conclusions.

“You’re a Problem Solver”
Berger says using a verb to urge someone to do something is not as effective as flattering them with a noun. He tells how a teacher gets children to cooperate by telling them to be a helper rather than to help. It turns out that the verb implies that the action will be limited, and this is not a great motivator. Describing someone with a noun, however, implies that this is a person’s positive, permanent characteristic.

Urging your negotiating opponent to solve a problem may not be as effective as saying, “I know you’re a problem solver.”

Use the Same Language As Your Listener
I joke that I speak several languages: Lawyer, Insurance, and English. Lawyers and claims people have their own jargon. So do corporate bureaucrats.

Much of the back and forth between professionals goes over the head of others who may be at the mediation table. Talk about fixing rather than resolving the situation. Be specific. When parties do not understand what is being negotiated on their behalf, it can be a recipe for disaster when the proposed settlement blows up

Use Emotion
Berger says focusing on emotion can sell an idea more than relying on facts. Mediation participants sometimes cling to their version of the facts, even when that stubbornness results in the disproportionate expenditure of time, money, and stress. Sometimes it’s better to talk about the emotional relief a settlement can bring—even when the dispute on its face is between companies.

Show You’re Listening
Negotiation lessons always talk about active listening. Berger, too, emphasizes the importance of making someone feel heard. To do that, demonstrate that you were paying attention to what was said. Respond with enough specificity to show you understood the other person’s point. Responses like “That’s interesting” don’t do that. Repeat or paraphrase portions of what you heard.

Mediation is the Place

Berger envisions pathways for a higher level of communication. Mediation provides the setting for a better exchange of information than occurs in the daily hurly-burly of processing conflict.